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Posts Tagged ‘how to lose a guy’

I think I just created a new word…Singleness. Is that a word? Whatever. I’m taking credit for it. So yesterday I mentioned about discovering that I am cognisant (Conflicted Mean Girl, can I go home now with the use of that big word?) of certain things I do or say that might (I say might, but I’m pretty confident) be reason for me still being single after all these years. Since I had at least 10 reasons to start and I’m sure that list will grow, instead of just writing a post, I dedicated a page to it. So, if you get a chance, go check it out. And if you can add to the list…please do. I think it’s healthy for us to be able to laugh at ourselves every now and then and not just at the men that have made us this way!

AND THAT’S WHY I’M SINGLE!

PS – The date went well…I’m sure I will share more later!

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Ugh…for the first time in a while, I have so much to talk about…but now I’m blocked by the lack of time to actually do the talking. I have a date tonight. I don’t want to say too much more than that. Don’t want to jinx it. I do enough damage on my own, so no sense in adding any more stress to the situation! Which sort of leads me to what I wanted to talk about today…why I’m single. I find myself often either saying something or doing something and I will pause and follow it up with…AND THAT’S WHY I’M SINGLE! This morning, I was lying in bed with my monkey mask on…yep, pictures to follow…and I laughed a little and said to Ginger, who was sleeping next to me on her pink, silk pillow (another reason I’m single, see a trend?)…and I said, geez, no wonder I’m single. Then I thought…Oh.My.God. I could dedicate a whole page to reasons I know first hand why I’m still single after all these years! So, I promise that in the next couple of days I am going to get to that dedicated page…but for now I’m just going to leave you with this parting thought:

And This Is Why I'm Single!

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I say Ex’s…because yes there are plural. In fact, there are lots of ex’s, no currents! I think I like it better that way. So, let’s just say that the last 4 months or so have been a little rough. I mean I could give the long story, but that would be a long post so the short story is…my life is an effing mess right now! Whew, it almost feels better just saying it. And that exclamation point helped release some tension. So, after #5 (see Red Flags), or as Conflicted Mean Girl calls him, Mr. Douche, I really have spent the last 4 years thinking I will never ever feel love again. In walks the Ex that I got a text from tonight. So, my friends introduce me to this Ex, let’s call him Daddy Warbucks (Mean Girl you know who I’m talking about) and before I know it…and seriously, I mean before I know it like 3 weeks into it, I’m spewing things like I miss you and I love you…words usually only spoken to my dogs and occasionally to my teenagers (haha I kid). But, the good part is, this man did make me realize that I was capable of loving someone again, even after #5 chewed me up, spit me out and lit me on fire just to make sure I was completely finished! So of course, when this Daddy Warbucks decided to pull the plug after 5 or 6 good months of complete infatuation, let’s just say I was a little side swiped (I would talk about some craziness I might have had in the last month but that would change the whole subject of guys are stupid and point the finger at me a little, and since this is my blog, eff that, I refuse to do it. If he wants a finger pointed at me, he can get his own effing blog). Whew, always feel a little better after I spew some evil like that! Anyways, so he dumps me and I move on. But, not really because unfortunately I see him out often since we live in the same neighborhood and we text occasionally since neither of us is stable enough to delete each other’s numbers. So, tonight, the whole point of this post, is that after a long evening of texts and a phone call where he tells me that he always imagined he would marry me (this is the point where I dry heave, without the use of my finger) he sends a final text (most likely in relation to my letting him know how unstable my life is right now) that says this;

Fear knocked at the door…Faith answered…No one was there.

And I responded this;

I kicked Faith’s ass a long time ago! Fear paid me to do!

And that was the end of the texting. Haha I love me!

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Do you remember that movie…How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days? It’s one of my favs. I just watched it the other day. That’s because I just found the cd in some place in my house that a cd should never be (I would tell you to see posts about why I’m single…but I haven’t gotten that far in my blogging yet) and so I decided to watch it. Now, I love this movie. Matthew McCounaughey and Kate Hudson are absolutely beautiful in it…and who does not dream of meeting some guy that you plan on losing in 10 days but then end up falling in love with and spending the rest of your life happily ever after with. Right!! Only in the movies. But honestly, losing a guy in 10 days is a reality for me. Actually, its more like 10 minutes. Ask my friends. Long term is something that’s not in my vocabulary. Now don’t get me wrong, I can do long term. I was married for almost 9 years. But, I’ve now been single for over 9 years. (Isn’t that like a golden year or something. Shouldn’t I get an award. I’ve been unmarried as long as I was married. I feel accomplished. Or something. I feel something.) Okay, back to losing a guy. My friends call me the break up girlfriend. Why? It’s quite simple. Because if you want a reason to stay with your boyfriend, don’t call me…but looking for a reason to break up…I’ve got you covered. I hate to think that I’m a pessimist on relationships…but I am. And honestly, I’m not too upset by that. I’m not sure we have time to go through why I suck at relationships…but I’m sure in due time, you’ll all learn just what makes me, me. And by me, I mean a completely, absolutely dysfunctional co-dependent incapable of finding a quality man to settle down with. Haha, again the laughter comes. I have a little thing I always say that describes my men picking skills. It goes something like this…If I was placed in a room with 100 men, 99 who were absolutely bad for me, and 1 who was perfect for me, I would date all 99 first and then I would be so pissed off at men, that I would never date that 1. Yep, that’s me in a nutshell. I have a feeling this will be a subject that will come up again!

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