Posts Tagged ‘Monopoly’

Every New Years I start January 1st by saying, “New Year, New You”. And I get all excited and I think, this is my year! And then January 2nd rolls around and I realize it’s the same old shit, disguised by this bullcrap they call a “New Year”. Last night I was playing Monopoly (the new version where it’s all electronic with credit cards and sometimes the game throws you little curves like throws your ass in jail two times in a row, not that that happened to me, but yeah it did…stupid game) and I started off the game very well, I had money and I was building up all this property…it was like January 1st all over again. And then, BAMM, January 2nd arrived…and I got thrown in jail twice (see above), I hit the fricking tax thing, twice…there’s $2 million and then landed on a stupid railroad, of which another player owned 4 of and because the electronic banker does what ever it wants I had to pay him double the normal rent for all 4 railroads….BAMM, $4 million gone. I even owned Park Place and Boardwalk and had a house on them, and not one of the other players landed on either, EVER!!! Next thing I know, I have $70,000 in the bank and have mortgaged all of my properties just to pay off everyone else, who were just getting richer. Oh yeah, the other players…they offered to buy some of my properties so I could have some money, but no, I refused. I have my pride you know. Kiss my ass, that’s what I told them…as I was mortgaging another property to pay their rent. And before you know it, I was throwing in the towel…a BIG ASS LOSER of Monopoly. And I thought to myself…just like real life! WTF! Isn’t family game night supposed to be fun? Isn’t it supposed to help relieve stress? Instead it just made me more stressed and more pissed off and then I had a panic attack about how much my life feels just like that fricking Monopoly game right now. And then, you know, denial set in and I thought to myself…oh its just a game. I’m fine. Everything is just fine. Hey, thanks Hasbro for finding a way to add stress into my already stressed life. Maybe you should make a game called, “This Is Your Effed Up Life, So Don’t Expect Something Magical To Happen”! At least, I’ll know what I’m getting into when I start playing!


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