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Today I realized how bad I’ve been at blogging and tweeting over the past couple of weeks. I mean seriously, in my top 10 of things that I love and things that help keep me sane, is blogging & tweeting. Of course, number 1 is Belvedere Vodka, in any form…(with ice, with soda, with Dr Pepper, with jello shots…you know, any form). SOOOOOOO…why have I been such a slacker lately? Hell I don’t know. I guess it’s just because I’M A SLACKER!!!!!

So today I’m blessing you all with random thoughts in the head of the Most Functional Dysfunctional person you’ll ever meet. Enjoy…and soon you will all be wishing that I’d go back to slacking!!

* I wonder if the quantity of Dr Pepper I drink during the day, has any correlation to the very small number of hours I sleep at night?

* When I gave the hamster water last night…did I shut her cage?

* I wonder if the dogs would really eat the hamster?

* Was the youngest groogy enough last night that I could convince her that she left the hamster’s cage open, in the case that I did forget to shut her cage?

* How many Dr Peppers did I really have yesterday?

* I really hope that Conflicted Mean Girl can come over early on Saturday…I really need some girl time!

* I wonder if that salad dressing I just ate was bad?

* I need a Dr Pepper.

* Really…would my dogs eat a hamster?

* Better stock up on Belvedere and Crown, just in case Conflicted Mean Girl makes it!

* Oh my stomach hurts…it has to be the salad dressing.

* How many Dr Peppers have I had today?

* Shit…I hope I closed the hamster cage!

Haha! See, this is the crap that goes through my head every day. Honestly…it’s no wonder I’ve been slacking lately people…Can’t you see how frickin busy I’ve been?

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I went out tonight…had a drink with a friend…came home…went out had another drink with some friends…See, the youngest is on her 7th grade trip in Washington DC with her class this week. And my oldest, well the last thing she wants to do is hang out with me…so after getting off work, I found myself with some free time. So I took advantage of it and visited with friends for a little bit. Something I don’t get to do often unless they come to my house. I was home early, 8:30ish and so after doing the dishes and chatting with the oldest for a little bit, thought I would finally sit down and blog a little. I had every intention of talking about how sometimes I have these revelations of how dysfunctional I really am. And believe me, that’s a post I will get to eventually. BUT…I got on Twitter first, you know, just because I’m addicted, and low and behold…the beautiful Vivienne tweeted me that she awarded me the Stylish Blogger Award! Ha! Me. A Stylish Blogger! I wanted to run and call my parents. Ring up the sisters. Step outside and shout it out to the world! But then I realized…the only people that are really going to understand my excitement, are you beautiful bloggers…and my tweeps! Which of course, is what this award is about…us bloggers!

So, apparently, as Vivi wrote in her blog post…there are some rules that apply to receiving this award (and she might have said something about a check…I’ll have to go back and read again, lol). So here goes…cause I’m super excited about this so I don’t want to mess up (you know…like taking a month to actually respond to receiving the award or something…you know…hint, hint! LOL, I kid…REALLY)! So here it goes:

1. I must thank the person who awarded me and link back to her. Done and done again…and one more time, check Vivienne out at her blog here. Thank you so much…You are so beautiful and I always look forward to chatting with you on Twitter and reading your blog! You are very special and I’m so thankful to be recognized by you!!

2. Share 7 things about yourself. What? Really? 7 things? If I say something wrong can you take this award away from me? Do I have to say something stylish? Or can I just be stupid like normal? Okay, here goes: Hmmm, 7 things…this is hard….usually I like to talk about myself but the pressure…of 7 things…okay I’m ready;

1. I was a gymnast all my life…from about 3 or 4 until high school, which is when I gave up gymnastics to ride horses competitively.

2. I am deathly afraid of sharks. Will not even go in the ocean past about my ankles. I mean deathly afraid. And don’t tell me there’s no sharks there…it’s an ocean…there are sharks.

3. I am a co-dependent. (Yeah, you’ve probably all already figured that out, but I need 7 things)

4. My favorite food of all times is hotdogs. I would choose hotdogs over steak and artichokes or anything for that matter. And preferably with kraut!

5. I don’t like grill marks on my meat…but I love my meat grilled…yeah, and that’s why I’m single!!

6. I am addicted to Dr Pepper. And I don’t mean like, Oh I like DP, yummy…no I mean addicted…like don’t ask me to choose between DP and a child…might not turn out so good!

7. I am a horrible housekeeper. And again, that’s why I’m single! LOL!

Okay, I feel like those are the lamest 7 things…but I did it. So now onto step 3.

3. Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers. Now. This. Is. EASY! Well, actually, going to be hard to limit to 15…but here goes;

1. Conflicted Mean Girl – Not really newly discovered…but she’s the reason I’m even blogging in the first place…and her blog posts always crack me up! Love You!!

2. Shamrocks & Shenanigans

3. Carrie Fairy Thoughts

4. Marina Sleep’s Blog

5. B*tches in the Burbs

6. Life in the House that Asperger Built

7. Yeah. Good Times.

8. Little Things

9. Laundry Hurts My Feelings

10. Cici’s Theories

11. Bees With Honey

12. Carousel Ride

13. Lori Dyan

14. Living With Logan

15. Not Enough Patience & Never Enough Jewelry

Whew, that was easy…except attaching all of those links! But believe me, all of these blogs are worth it so please go check them out! And now onto rule #4.

4. Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award!

Well, you read the rule…so I have to go let these wonderful gals know how Stylish they are! Buh bye for now!!

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Today I hosted a brunch at my house for my friends. Now, I say friends lightly because realistically, I pick friends like I pick men….NOT GOOD! But lucky for me, I have somehow managed to collect a few, actual good ones along the way. And I seriously mean, luckily, because I don’t know what I’d do without those few, actual good ones! So, I of course invited all my “friends” to the brunch with the naiveness that I thought they were all going to come because they love me and of course they would love to do nothing more with their Sunday then spend the day with me. Haha, and that’s why I’m single, because I think men feel that way about me too. I mean seriously, I’m 42, you’d think I’d learn by now. But nope, not me, I keep having hope!

So where was I , oh yeah…dreaming that I have real friends! Haha. Ultimately, I do! I have Conflicted Mean Girl and her little munchkin. They come by regularly and even though I’ve known them for a mere 4 years (one year for the little munchkin) I truly feel blessed to have them in my life and know that someday I will be attending the munchkin’s wedding (sorry to scare you Conflicted Mean Girl, just trying to make the point that you’ll be in my life forever)! And then there’s my friend Nurse Jen and her boyfriend (hopefully soon to be fiance, Dean). Sometimes I feel like I only talk to her maybe 3 or 4 times a month. But you know what, when I plan something like a birthday party for my friends to celebrate my kids birthdays (because my kids love my friends) Nurse Jen and Dean are the ones that show up. So, the point is I have a few good friends, and I am so thankful for them. But then there are the friends that I think are “friends” and every time I do something like, host a brunch or lose my job, I wait for them to show up and prove they are friends…and they fail every time.

So ultimately, that leads me to think…what really defines a good friend? I mean, isn’t a friend supposed to be someone who supports you and tells you what you want to hear through the bad times. The person that is supposed to agree with you when you make a bad decision then tells you, what the f*ck were you thinking when it goes bad! You know, not the person that bails you out, but the person that is sitting next to you saying, f*ck that was fun! Yeah, that’s a friend. I think in my younger days, I thought that a friend had to be someone that I’ve known forever. But as an adult, I’ve realized that I get more support and hell, definitely more laughter from women that I’ve just met.

For example, last night I struck up a conversation with @btchygirls on Twitter. And seriously, in one night…I think she understood me better than the friends that I’ve known for 8 years that didn’t show up for brunch today. I mean, first thing this morning, I got a tweet from her that said have a fun brunch. A couple of my friends that I actually invited to the brunch never even sent a message saying, hey sorry I couldn’t make it but…. So , can you be friends with someone you don’t even really know? Is that possible? I mean, some people may think that’s a big joke. But you know what, I’ve been blogging and tweeting for about 4 months now, and I think I feel closer and like communicating with my “friends I don’t know” better than a couple of my friends I’ve known for years? How can that be? Because they haven’t judged me. They haven’t disappointed me. They haven’t disappeared when I needed them the most. No. In fact, they seem to be there no matter what. And honestly, I am so happy to have them in my life.

So I’m going to give a shout out to some of these amazing women…via their blogs or twitter, and I want to say a big THANK YOU! Thank you for teaching me about what respecting someone is all about (and making me spew wine out of my nose in hysterics of laughter)! My love goes out to @conflictedmeany @btchygirls @posterofagirl7 @viviborne @Ihave7monsters @kimicatron @raine_ok @mzbrendal (hope she’s out of twitter jail now) @jillsmo @newyawkmom @kittykatgrr @carriefairygirl @restlesslori @natablog @mommymomentblog @kalr3 and seriously, the list could go on and on and on! Thank you to all you amazing moms/women/friends that I have met online. You have made me respect myself enough to demand more out of the people that I’ve known for a while now and try to call my real friends! And please to all of you non-bloggers and non-tweeps, take a moment to check out all of their blogs…because they are all AMAZING WOMEN/MOMS and they truly deserve the attention!

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Today I took the Mom Pledge. If you’re a Mom Blogger, I think you should too. Even if you haven’t been bullied or badgered on your blog site, you should still take the Pledge. Let me tell you why I did it.

I am very new to this blogging thing that I have so quickly become addicted to. I started my blog in December, thanks to the wonderful advice from my good friend, Conflicted Mean Girl. And I have enjoyed every minute of it. I have found it to be a great stress reliever from a long day of working and parenting and everything else life throws my way…like stupid boys and dumb bosses. And I even find that sometimes when I need a little laughter, I read my own blog. Life doesn’t seem all that bad…when you can laugh at yourself.

And friends? I have made tons. I was blown away by the support of the other bloggers, primarily this crazy group of women called Mom Bloggers. I mean, I didn’t set out to be a Mom Blogger. I blog about my kids, but I also blog about my dogs and my job and especially about dating. I have also had a chance to blog about my past experiences with domestic violence and learning how to recover from it. But if there is any one group that I am proud to be a part of…it is these Mom Bloggers. You ladies are amazing. You have accepted me without any question into your group. You have never criticized me for the sometimes stupid things I say or the maybe not perfect parenting skills I may write about occassionally. And you have made me feel very loved. Thank you all for that.

And if you aren’t one of those who can accept others unconditionally like the women I’m talking about (and dad’s for that matter) then maybe you should take a good hard look at yourself and ask why you have to be so judgemental? If you don’t like what you just read, then instead of writing cruel comments or snide remarks why don’t you just take yourself somewhere else. No one made you read our blogs. And believe me, all of us Mom’s have enough struggles in our lives, we don’t need extra torment from strangers.

So if you are a Mom Blogger then I encourage you to go take the Mom Pledge also, and keep doing the wonderful things you’re doing!

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Okay, listen up peeps! I totally believe in the power of social media. I mean, I started this blog and signed on to Twitter for the first time only like 2 months ago and I already have decent traffic and I have over 400 followers on Twitter. So, this social media thing must work, right? Because I’m a dork, but I seem to be on a roll to figuring this thing out, so it must not really be that hard.

Anyways, I digress…my point is that I do believe in this new age way of advertising and promoting via online “word of mouth”. And I’m challenging myself to set out and prove that it works. A friend of mine makes custom t-shirts. Very cool ones and very fun ones. He was over the other day and wearing this really fun t-shirt for Spring Training and he mentioned that he was selling them and so if I knew anyone. Haha! I laughed! Do I know anyone? Hell, I have 405 very close friends (me, smiling) on Twitter. You bet your ass I know people!

Haha anyways, he laughed at me and so I challenged him to let me post the t-shirt on my blog and through my Twitter. I told him I could increase his sales by a gazillion. I’m sure I got a little arrogant with my sales forecast, but in my defense, we were drinking mimosas and champagne does really go to my head.

Anyways…here’s where all of you come in…I need you all to help me prove my point…THAT I’M POPULAR AND HAVE LOTS OF FRIENDS. Oh wait, not really that one…but I do need you to help me prove to him that SOCIAL MEDIA IS THE NEW WAY TO PROMOTE AND SELL!

So, here’s the deal. Here’s a picture of the t-shirt. It goes for $10 (people that’s cheaper than a pitcher of beer at most bars) and there are also tank shirts available. This is the perfect shirt to wear to all the Spring Training games and I told him to just leave it to me and at the next game he goes to…he’ll see these all over the place (open mouth insert foot). Okay, so lets do this people…I’d like to be able to pull my foot out soon!

Spring Training Must Have!

To order, send me an email at functioningdysfunctional@gmail.com. Put “Spring Training” in the subject line.

I have faith in all of you…help me back my big mouth up!!! If we sell enough…we’ll have a big get together at a local sports bar (Phoenix area), all of us in our Relief Pitcher t-shirts!

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